he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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