U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
