You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
