he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
