Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
