So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
