After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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