So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
