so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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