you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize