your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
