He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize