A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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