I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize