i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
