WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
