I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize