People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
