i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize