I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
