I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
