sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize