party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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