Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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