totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize