There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize