I hate all girls vehemently.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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