This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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