Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
