I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
