He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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