I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
