I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
