I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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