somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need help removing her.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
