worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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