We named our party play list daddy issues
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
