Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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