"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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