He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
