Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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