I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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