i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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