dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
