I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
