singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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