the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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