Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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