Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
