I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize