remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Pooping to opera.
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