did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
