Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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