i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
