Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
