she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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