brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
