After last night, I could never be a politician.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
