theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
