his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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