just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
