I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
