Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
