the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
