Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
