a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
