Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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