First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
