i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize